At the end of 2025 I set a few goals, like I do every year for the year ahead. 26 to be precise. But one of them was specifically to achieve flow at least two times per week. And what that means in order to be able to do that means making a commitment to focusing intensely on deliberately challenging yourself physically and mentally continuously every week all year.
So far I’m on track, but still have much to do and a long way to go. I did not spend the past 10-years of my life reading books in order that I may develop the ability of writing a sentence. The reason I have been doing what I’ve been doing for the past decade now is so I could eventually develop the ability of being able to write essays for lunch.
The whole idea about this piece is to always direct your attention in a direction that benefits you regardless of the time in which you find yourself. Everything in life is temporary. Nothing lasts forever. But still, we may find ourselves at particular moments of time stuck in situations we would much rather not be in. And this may take months, even years, to get out of.
However, inside these moments exists the potential of hidden opportunities if you learn how to look at it the right way. Each stage of your life is a chapter or another transition in your life story. There will be good times, but there may also be equally just as many difficult times.
So this is for anyone who ever feels stuck or is unsure about which way is best to go. Or is fed up and ready to reclaim their life back from the digitally distracting passively living noisy heads with no meaning to life, the people who try getting in your way with a desire to hold you back from the good life: living creatively, actively, productively, with a sense of purpose.
This is about how to live your life according to your definition of success.
And fuck everyone else.
Some people actually offered me work following this post. But my schedule is already maxed out here. So any opportunities that come my way will be declined or ignored. I just have far too many other commitments and to achieve them all will probably take 20-years from now.
This is about finding your focus, what excites you and makes your life worth living. In other words: what activities produce flow in order to make you feel truly alive. This is about how to achieve Alive Time. For the sake of context though for anyone reading this for the first time, this was originally written a year ago. It’s since been re-worked, re-edited and re-imagined.
There’s plenty more to follow. So that’s why I’ve decided to share a short version here now. I’ve had to cut out quite a lot trying to condense this as best as possible believe it or not.
START TO LIVE OR BEGIN TO DIE: THE ALIVE TIME VS DEAD TIME MODAL [HOW TO SPOT AND AVOID THE UNHAPPY TOXIC TYPES AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE EVER]
There are two types of time in this life. There is Alive Time and Dead Time. One is when you sit around, when you wait until things happen to you. The other is when you are in control, when you make every second count, when you are learning and improving and growing.
– ROBERT GREENE.
Not having control over our circumstances is frustrating, but it doesn’t mean we’re helpless.
– RYAN HOLIDAY.
I recently applied for a job. After submitting my CV, I received a phone call within the hour, from several, to which all said, “you’re qualified to do far more than what you’re looking for. Would you not be interested in these other roles we have? They even pay more than the work you’re looking for.” “No”, I said. “I’m not interested.” “May I ask how come? Because you’re more than capable of doing them, and you would get more money. Is there a reason why you wouldn’t consider these other roles?” “Yes. There is. I own a library with 100’s of books. I also have audiobooks for each of them. So I prefer to spend my free time reading.”
The reason why I preferred this particular role is because it gives you that free time, more flexibility, more room to learn. It gives you: Alive Time. By being able to focus more of my day on problems that are important to me, whilst receiving ‘enough’ income is far better than a larger pay check but with less time to explore the subjects that fascinate me. I don’t want more money if what more money means is less time to do the things I love. Which is reading, writing and working out. The ability to earn less bundled with opportunities for achieving growth in complexity of developing the physical and mental self does not put you into a lower position but actually a far stronger, much higher place. Freedom, then, is being delegated tasks you are independent to fulfill so the better you work to complete your tasks, the more freedom you get to enjoy, being able to think and meditate over enjoyable projects.
I’d rather have less money. In fact, no. I would give some of it away if what that meant was I would be left alone at times during the day to think and write. That’s why I hate teamwork. I can do it, if I have to. But I always prefer not to. That’s why I gravitate towards solitary roles. A bad day at work for me is being told you’ve got a buddy with you, all day. That means I have to share my attention for the whole day and thinking will have to follow either tonight or tomorrow. So I prefer to be alone any opportunity I get. It’s not that I don’t like people. But it’s the only way to get the work done. How can it not be? If your work mostly consists of thinking, reading books and writing, you can’t do that well when people are talking to you.
So when in an office environment, something I have much experience of, which is also exactly the reason why I will never do it again. As it means having to speak with and deal with other people’s problems all day rushing around placing orders, booking in, logging data, making calls, sending emails. You are a full time servant. And while many people love this environment, being surrounded by other people engaging the whole day, my social battery drains quickly compared to these people. And the reason for this is simple: I’m an introvert.
And these “other people” I’m referring to are extraverts. There is nothing wrong with either. Both are equally important as the other. But each personality has its own specific needs. And introverts tend to have a need to be alone at times in order to feel better. Introverts are engaging but require more solitude and time to be able to think for themselves. If you put an introvert into a position where they have to answer phones all day, check and reply to email all day, run to serve people all day, it not only depletes them but it can even depress them. These environments are too distracting and it consumes too much of their energy taking them away from their main strength, which is: sitting quietly in a room alone to think deeply.
I do get along well with everyone everywhere I go so people are never a problem. But a personality needs what it needs and that can’t be changed or removed from someone. I would therefore be lying if I were to say I don’t look forward to ‘me’ time. Without ‘me’ time, I would lose my mind. The distinct difference between introversion and extraversion is extraverts thrive in environments where engagement with people is constant. Whereas an introvert thrives when they finally get the time to be alone and focus their attention inwards.
Introverts have a very different personality from extroverts. One always needs other people. The other always needs quiet time alone. There is no other way for critical thinking to occur when in an environment where people consume your attention the entire day. So introverts are very protective with their attention and they need to be able to resort into themselves to recharge and feel better. They have more fun with their imagination, which is also why they turn down invites a lot. Having to give so much of their attention away already means when the time finally comes for ‘me time’, it’s not something they wish to give away freely or easily.
And this part of their personality which they cannot help makes them seem quite selfish. But they aren’t ignoring you because they don’t like you. And it’s not that they’re not accepting your invite or going to your thing because they don’t like you. The reason they are like this is simple. They are introverts. And now it’s time for them to be alone with their attention.
If you have to answer phone calls all day when you need to be able to think, you are in Dead Time. If you have to send, receive and reply to emails all day when you have your own ideas but no time to implement them, you are in Dead Time. If you have to serve customers the whole day and must spend all of your time fulfilling other people’s needs and never get any opportunity for your own, that’s Dead Time too. Or, if you are stuck with a tyrannical boss who wants to keep you in his office next to him when everyone else has their own personal space, just so he can keep a watch over your every movement, every moment, of everyday?
That one goes without answering. But when you say it like that, it really seems like someone wanted to control you. Or had a serious crush on you. I’m still unsure what the obsession was with me. But when a person tries to dictate that level of control over you, leave immediately. Which of course, is what I ended up having to do. That last point however does solicit an entire piece which will be dedicated to the topic of psychological disturbances. Something we will explore in great depth later. Because I’m enjoying being able to get inside other people’s minds now who once thought it funny trying to get inside and mess with mine.
This servant style profession makes you a slave. You will be unable to do what you want here. Your movement will be limited. And your attention will be taken up by other people’s needs all day. You will not get the opportunity to become a serious independent thinker here. As your boss will ensure you don’t get any time to think for yourself. Any role where almost all of your time and attention is spent each day giving it away to other people is: Dead Time.
And you will never feel Alive as long as you stay in a place of work like this.
The problem however I’ve come to learn about now regarding these particular psychological types who acted strangely towards me and who possessed very unusual characteristic behaviors. And I’ve come to realize through observing and studying these people who they really are and what condition they suffer from. Robert Greene referred to this condition as deep narcissism.
You see, there were some flawed assumptions once made about me when I hinted at this topic before. But the mistake was made that it was about one person when it was about many people and it was not about the person who it was assumed it was about. Nobody knew just how many others out there it could be about. But nobody asked. And so nobody cared. To really think that a situation can’t be applied to and be about more than one person in the entire world is the most narcissistic thing I’ve ever heard of. That a situation is totally unique and therefore can only possibly apply to one person.
So I feel a wee bit exposed here right now because I’m sharing with you what has been a bit of a dark secret. And now you know my secret. I was treated like somebody’s pet for a while, stuck, sorry, kept inside his office, next to him, all day. He never tried it on with me but he sure did show how much of a thing he had for my wife as he sat looking at pictures of my wife on Facebook, comparing her to other women he was snooping around on his phone yet telling me about how much they reminded him of my wife. Fuck me. This has taken a sharp turn.
Now, let’s do some shadow work here on your psyche.
Talk about raging at someone for their wife not being your own. Now, I’m not sure if anyone noticed that I had to change my name on Facebook for a while and I had to delete my entire Facebook history, especially every photo of my wife. Why? I had a stalker. And what was worse, he was drooling over my wife’s pictures. So I was trying to scare him. And it worked. But I realised this wasn’t very stoic of me. I was being reactive instead of rational. But he was spending too much of his time at home browsing a decade of my posts. Who even has the time for that? I’ll tell you: someone who doesn’t have much of a life outside of their job. And so, this person in particular is the living example of someone who lives in Dead Time.
To then be told through hearing him telling others, “I’m keeping him in here next to me to keep a close eye on him.” So here’s where this gets confusing for me: what the fuck do you want a big fella like me to be stuck next to you in your office for?
Here’s the conclusion I’ve reached from this:
You’re too pretty to be alone, must have been what he was thinking.
The real problem now however is this: nobody ever thought you would one day have the ability to articulately express words in such a fashion to terrify people. People pick on people who have no brain. But they run away from you when you start to use terrifying words.
And so, my biggest advice to you is: never stop reading your books until your intelligence is something other people fear. This is why it’s always best to say less than necessary. You just never know who you are talking to. If a dickybird gets heard then an owl will hoot. Birds are noisy and can be seen from a distance. But an owl is rarely heard before it even arrives.
There is more reason to be scared of a quiet owl than a noisy bird.
Therefore you may be surprised to know this, indeed it was also a surprise for me too: there may just be more than one narcissist among us.
Some people, for some strange reason, are just very strange. And that’s that.
Now, getting away from people who deliberately try to impede your progress, having given you a brief introduction now as to why it’s vital to study narcissistic personality disorders, back to reclaiming your life and leaving all those behind you who are stuck, in Dead Time.
I can read and write during wait times in the less-money gig, whereas in the more-money means you will not get to stop at all. I can listen to books, read, write and draw in the less-money gig. In the more-money, picking up calls, dealing with people’s problems, essentially serving other people’s needs the entire day. Completely stuck in Dead Time. Just for extra money, give a large portion of myself away? That is not only not worth it, but also a tragedy. If one lets themselves get into this state then does nothing about it and continues to live unsatisfied and unfulfilled, all the while knowing there is a deeply felt need to be doing something else with their life but isn’t, that person is wasting their entire life, in Dead Time.
So, for anyone who has inclinations, an interest, or a fascination in a subject, field, or activities that are hard to pay bills, you must choose the best situation that still allows you to explore and remain active with those pursuits. They are important. And it is critical that you do not accept that which takes you away from it. Anyone who feels that they should be somewhere else, or doing something else, is stuck, confined to a workplace prison. You will never get a chance to shine here. You will never be allowed to pursue your interests. Why? Because your boss will ensure all of your time is being used up by pursuing theirs only.
Seeing you, someone goal-oriented, who wakes up at 5:30am to read books and gets some work done (before going to work) brings about all kinds of resentment as it reflects back to people (without goals) that they don’t have anything worth waking early for. And people who lack purpose, especially those who consider themselves higher up the ladder express this dissatisfaction with their life when they see how much more productive you are than them.
The problem is that so many people fail to find meaningful goals worth striving for. And so, they settle. Instead of trying something themselves, they don’t try or do anything at all. They just sit back and watch others doing all the trying. And have therefore given up on their life. And yet, they might even pitch the idea to you about why working here is so wonderful, making the foolish assumption, like you give two fucks about selling silly products.
Being completely stuck, at the mid-point of life, with no goals and no ambition, set in their ways with excitement in their life now a distant memory, to desire such a thing is a fantasy, or a delusion. But it is a fact that the opposite is true. It won’t be easy and you may have to work hard to discover your purpose. But the delusion is to stay. Stay where you are. And don’t question authority. Clock in. Do your time. Do as you’re told. Go home. Happy life.
Except that’s not how it works at all. Not now. Not ever.
This is a problem that so many face: they only know how to define who they are outside the job by the job they do. When asked by someone what do you do it is assumed that the person being asked is to answer what they do between the hours of 9-5 from Monday to Friday, when that might only be how they make money. But not actually what they do.
To get to the bottom of knowing then who someone is a perhaps better question to ask would be: what do you enjoy and find interesting? But then of course this breaks down around those unfortunate ones who only do what they get paid to do and therefore only have one answer to the question that leaves them dumbfounded on how to answer that question without going into detail how they make money. These are the same people who will experience an existential vacuum when they are no longer needed to perform their duties in society. Not only stuck in a dead end career, but once gone, existential dread remains. Dead Time therefore, or their “job” is almost a pre-death rehearsal before their actual real death.
This therefore is an ideal scenario for living in Alive Time: work hard and do whatever it takes for as long as it takes so you can move into a position where you can be creative, energized, focused and more active. Dead Time is when you can’t do any of those things because you are swamped, with so many commitments that there is simply no time left to work on your own mind. Instead, you will spend your days in meaningless distractions, not getting to pursue activities that stretch and strengthen your cognitive capacity and imagination.
Taking the smaller pay check is not a step down if what taking it means advances your own cause. If the role means less responsibilities, that actually means more opportunities for you to continually explore all the things that you do actually care about on any given day. So if given the option to pick and choose between more money and less freedom vs less money but more enjoyment, even when the money is needed more than ever, your choice should always be obvious: struggle to get by, and go to where makes you happier. When you opt for the higher pay check position, you are in many senses giving up that freedom. Because usually extra money expects you to fulfill extra commitments, meaning more Dead Time. Working to please someone whose priorities are always far more important than your own.
You need to move away and into a position where you will get at least 1-2 hours per day of purely uninterrupted deep focus, preferably in isolation, for pure concentration and deliberate thinking, working and meditating on solving problems you find interesting. The goal is to get yourself ready, not comfortable. Nobody wants to spend their entire life working in sales. How boring. Nothing good is ever going to happen here because you are always there to serve someone else’s desires. You need to be free from the constraints that other people try demanding of you. You must move away if you wish to explore better meaning to your life.
MAKE MONEY TO SUPPORT YOURSELF WORKING: NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND
Not getting time to read and write frustrates me. This way then feels like I’m in control, even though I’m not really. I’m still doing what’s necessary to support myself and my family, in order to do what I love. Because what you’d rather do might not pay your bills. Art is hard to make a living from. And so it is much better for you to struggle and survive than starve to death. Any great work ever made was also made more meaningful due to its struggle.
Also, books are an expensive habit. It costs a lot of money to educate yourself so you need money to buy books. And if you can work on personal goals, which is easy to do considering how much time you spend on your phone, it stops feeling like you are working a job and it starts feeling like you are being paid to challenge yourself within these daily time constraints.
If the work is fun and you get to do it on the job, then the job is fun. And the boss only wants done what you are expected to be there to do. And you can’t do more than what only needs done. And so if you can keep everyone happy always doing what’s expected from you whilst still getting chances to do what you love, you are in the perfect Alive Time target zone. You may not get to choose being paid for what you wish to do. But the choice is always yours where you’ll let your attention get spent. And wherever your attention goes, so will your life.
Audiobooks always on means even going out to the job is like getting paid for going to school. And if someone is happy to pay you to sit and read (or listen to) books, permitting you perform all of your other duties between, I would happily pay out some of my wage to be allowed that. I also never listen to the radio and always have books playing in the car.
You can turn every Dead Time moment into Alive Time, getting paid to educate yourself.
DO THE WORK BECAUSE: IT MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU
The point is not having a large audience, nice comments, applause, or even millions of subscribers. The point is not even to be rich from it. Because if no one shows up, does that mean you won’t? Will you not show up just because others might not? Because if so, you are doing the wrong thing. You should want to show up regardless. That’s the point.
Don’t forget: think about how many who are already doing so many things, and how many things more than you they can already do. There’s already too many doing so many things that nobody really has the time for anybody anymore, do they? So why should anyone be interested in you? It’s a good question. So your answer should be: I’m not interested in others being interested in me. I’m interested in pleasing myself.
To expect others to follow your plan instead of theirs is mania. So do what you love and want to do. Make sure to do exactly whatever it is that you want to do. It’s okay to invite others to come along by showing them. But that’s all it is. An invitation. They don’t have to attend. It’s not an expectation. So do not expect anyone to ever drop anything, or stop from what they already love, especially since you don’t make those efforts for others either. But if you have something to share, then share it. But remember, these lessons are your own.
Make sure they teach you what you wish to know.
If a tree fell in the woods but no one (else) was around to hear it, although it didn’t make a sound for anybody else, is it not something still if you saw and heard this tree fall? The point: did it inspire you? Does it make you feel happy? If the answer is no: then stop. But if the answer is yes: make sure you never stop. If what you do gets no approval, no applause, no audience, no money, but yet it still makes you happy, you’ve got it.
You have found a meaning and purpose for living your best life. Continue.
Seek gratification then through no one else’s applause or approval. Seek rejection as an opportunity to learn and grow, physically, mentally and spiritually. All these things will not only make you feel better, but actually make the work you want to do better. You do not have to wait for this feeling to come. You can feel gratified all day without a single person present, nor a single thing said. You can work yourself into experiencing this gratification. Thus, this is a good plan to have for yourself: have many things planned for the rest of your life. Assume you will die while many boxes remain unchecked. Because you won’t know anyway what you never got around to doing by then, so it won’t matter anymore what you leave undone. The point is to always have something stimulating to be constantly engaged with. Always have more on the horizon to look forward to next. That way, while you enjoy what you are doing in the moment, you have already premeditated how you are going to spend your time in the next.
You do not need to delay gratification, because you will attain this sensation almost daily through this committed practice. The task of learning itself will become so enjoyable it will be impossible for others to dictate how you feel. You will create your own self gratification modal, by engaging with your task, making gratification something you experience everyday from engagement with your craft. And a person who never tires of using their hands and imagination will find it very difficult to ever experience boredom.
So whilst still alive and very much still here living, live, engaged in this process of productive activity. It’s the only way to stave off boredom and apathy. To have any sort of real meaning to your existence, create meaning by attaching yourself to things that will never cease whilst you exist, and that you may never cease to derive pleasure and enjoyment from doing.
The problem we should be addressing is about how little time we actually get to explore all the possibilities inside the very short time we have to live. But, instead, we squander our resources. Both our time and energy. Wasting it by watching how other people spend theirs, instead of making something with our own. And people wonder why they feel bored?
Skimming and scrolling eats away at your attention centres until it depletes them entirely, leaving nothing left over, feeling less motivated to start or do anything. After your attention has been drained, as it is sucked dry by playing slot machines, which is what scrolling on your phone is the modern day equivalent of, you may even end up feeling depressed. And that will be your own fault, if you continue and do nothing about that. You need to cut that out, or down to a minimum, so to stay engaged with your own life in the physical world.
Make sure your digital work life is extremely active and productive and not distracting or passive. Spend more time outdoors. More time moving. More active. More Alive Time.